You Can't Go Home Again ??

An exploration about going back home & being home.

I am clearly seeing

how

completely

foolishly

coo-coo

kooky

I was to try to believe

that I could try to

somehow

somewhat &

somewhere

bring together

the elements

of a once really great

the-best-ever

past experience

& have another go at it.

The whole reality of this wrong-thinking thought process is powerfully

& simply stated in a Thomas Wolfe’s quote.

He had warned : you can’t go there.

The partial quote from Thomas Wolfe’s book titled :

“You Can’t Go Home Again” published in 1940 is :

"You can't go home again to your family,

back home to your childhood,

back home to romantic love,

back home to a young man's

dreams of glory and of fame" - Thomas Wolfe.

“He saw now that you can’t go home again –

not ever. There was no road back.” - Thomas Wolfe

John Steinbeck referenced the phrase, showing his agreement with Wolfe's sentiment in a quote that says ;

"Tom Wolfe was right,” he reflected.

“You can't go home again

because home has ceased to exist

except in the mothballs of memory.”

-John Steinbeck

This sentiment has been repeating itself

over & over in my thoughts these days.

Or, … these daze…

I had played with the illogical logic

in trying to redo something from the past.

Re-live something, which, back then,

was a complete success & brought great joy.

It don’t work to try to go back.

Dat iz backwardz kinda kooky coo-coo achoo way.

No way. You can’t go home again homies.

Got dat.

Additionally, then, I also contemplate the opposite other side of the coin

of great successes from the past & ponder upon these so-called “mistakes.”

The proverb states : One, learns, over time, to learn from your mistakes.

Do not do that same thing over and over & over again

that caused you failure, pain, bad times. Ok I got dis.

Yet, if this rings true, & one had a pleasant life experience,

yet tries to relive it in another form or time,

one could then conclude : you learn from your successes, also.

True ? Yet why why ??

Why is it you cannot re-live a success then, also.

One must also learn from their successes. True ?

I substitute the word “success” with the word “home” :

you can’t go "home" again.

The saying suggests that one cannot recapture the feeling of home

because both the person returning and the place itself are no longer

the same as they once were. 

People and places change, making a return to a past state impossible.

The same reasoning holds true for your successes as well then.

Learn from your successes. As one learns from one’s mistakes.

I now struggle with my decision to bring three kittens into my home.

How utterly entirely stupid of me to think,

believe, or possibly compare, a former past cat

with what I have now acquired,

which are three healthy beautiful little kittens.

These three kittens look alike in appearance

to the same as my best friend cat of 2o yrs.

And that is the one & the only likeness between them.

Their appearance.

The hue of their fur coats. Some whiskers.

Tails. Pointed triangle ears. Four legs.

There was a part of my non-thinking brain

that logically surmised : oh wow,

if I had one of these Beings long ago,

I could triple the goodness

of that whole experience

by adopting 3 of these Beings.

That would equal = X3 three !! 3 times !!

the past 1 really great time we had had twogether.

The mathmatical logiks don’t work out that way.

What was I (non) thinking ….

I cannot believe how so stupido

I was. Yes.

You cannot not now not ever not never go back.

Time goes one way. Forward motion.

We are way outnumbered here.

The energy levels of high-speed zooming

100 mile per hour tornadoes

inside the house is

sometimes nearly close to insanity.

Up & down the stairways at high speed

the chase is on with all 3 all together

all at the same time all

high tailing after the other.

Like crazy wild flying banshees

high climbing up anything & everything

swinging using claws to hang for support.

Jumping leaping flying soaring

through the air

like acrobatic trapeze artists.

All surfaces are up for grabs.

All objects are meant to be tipped over,

explored, walked upon.

Antique Tiffany table lamps

now needing soldering repairs.

Antique Tiffany floor lamps

toppled over, climbed upon, broken.

All furniture cloth thread-baring surfaces

scratched and plucked with 3X4=12 sets of claws.

Down comforters exploding with goose feather clouds.

Vases with flowers. A thing of the past.

Table surfaces eating surfaces all a free for all to lay sit be hang out.

Cloth curtains replaced by plastic louvers

only then the slats are separated &

pulled apart only to climb through.

And the math here.

It is all multiplied by the power of Three.

And Three at all times all together

triple action everything they do

is in the power of Three.

Simultaneously. One unit.

They do everything in complete unison.

All together.

All at the same time.

Now I really know what a copy-cat is.

It is hilarious to watch when all three

transform into their super serious

in-depth intense

investigative inspection mode.

Every single item that is moved,

or changes places

or is brought into the home,

is wholely entirely strictly scrutinized &

examined & researched by

this investigation inspection trio.

Nothing gets by them.

They evaluate.

They take notes.

They ponder, .... hmmmm.

An all-over triple intense examination

upon everything that is just a tad bit somehow different.

All three heads altogether

locked in a tight circle

circling sniffing at & around this unknown that now needs knowing.

All objects are merely toys to play with.

The buttons on my shirts to be suckled as they climb all over me.

Kittens have a full time antsy fidgety high energy that is hard to contain.

Batting wildly at things that move. Bite. Chew. Chase.

A laser lite dancing on the floor fascinates them endlessly

with no resulting end reward.

Much cavort. Much frolic. Much frisk. Much springing.

More romp. Stomp. High leaping pomp & circum-Prances.

All in a concentrated effort to reach higher & higher heights within the house.

You get the mostly 24/7 picture.

Day & night. With a few catnaps in- between to recharge.

These are what are known as = kittens. K-I-T-T-E-N-S.

This is the day to day picture of home, right about now.

And. Kittens are so awww so likable, so adorable, &

so purrr affectionate in a puppy love way.

OK. OK. Now for my

can't go cat home again realization.

My previous past bitty

picture of home that

I yearned & wished to bring back

was an ittsy bittsy

tad viva la difference.

I wished to experience cat energy as I had once only known.

I had once been graced with the presence of a Being

that was disguised to look like a cat.

I see now, that my best friend of 20 years,

this so-called "cat" was actually ....

a captivating supernatural otherworldly enigma.

The Being I once shared my living space with was a Bodhisattva reincarnate.

That very first day, he bounded up my front steps

right up to my feet, found me, claimed me, & adopted me.

A teeny tiny tyke. A squeaking calling for help

starving stray whisp of a street-wise survivalist.

When this little-did-I-know super power of a Being showed up,

I declared out loud at the time : “awww, geez, I hate cats.”

Only to be shortly, literally swept off my feet

by his tiny big strong magnetic Presence.

Our immediate instantaneous bond

was tight, everlasting, & unbreakable.

We shared a mutual unspoken deep

loving understanding union between us.

The rest is a 20 year long/way aww too short history.

20 years of constant continual connected companionship.

I got him & he got me. No questions asked. No explanations needed.

We were a team. A duo. An alliance. All without words only trust.

The differences betwixt this Being & three bitty kittys are incalculable.

My super chill survivalist merely needed to be near me,

in the same proximity, & he was completely content &

relaxed. Humm. Purrr.rrrrr.

Almost. As if we be connected at the hip

as I sat on the couch & he up against me.

Snooze behind me, paw on my shoulder,

a constant connected connection cord.

Reserved. Stoic. Solid. Old-soul. Noble.

Calm. Long enduring. Elegant. Dignified.

Polite. Poised.

Long slow drawn out deliberate blinks in understandable agreement.

I get you. We speak the same language.

Contemplative contemplating day in and day out.

Understood the limitations.

Freely & quite far roamed outdoors.

Hunted voles. Climbed trees. Out there.

Got his point across clearly because he talked & spoke his mind a lot.

If it was raining, he'd come inside the door protesting.

When we had caretakers come in the house to take care of him,

they said do you know your cat says, "Ohh- Ohh....."

I had the honor to share 20 years with this Being.

I had the greatest of good luck the greatest of destiny &

that I had been given the best gift.

And that he had fatefully found me,

faithfully claimed me, & said you are all mine.

You are it. & we were together.

Felt like gravity being around him,

& as if the whole world made more sense.

And had much more meaning & worth.

The solid gold of my life.

My current three kittens reality is how it really is in the Real World.

I am now blessed with three of the

healthiest most

rambunctiously most

raucous most

riotous most

rowdy most

rollicking most

radiant most

rapturous bitty kittys.

They rock.

& ...most most most importantly, are

thee most happiest kittens on the planet.

These bros are in sync

with each other.

In tune.

Beautiful.

The question I ask myself is this :

Really Kris ??

You thought for a single moment

that these two realities might be

somewhat somehow somewhere a place for us = similar ?? Simpatico-co. ??

You have come this far in life only to see

how much you are naive 'bout certain x-peck-tay-shawns.

Cat’s are cats.

So I believed. Some cats are not cats.

I see this now. Lesson learned.

These three little balls of fire got me

to realize

& to see

WHO I actually loved for those 20 years.

These bitties taught me something very important.

I conclude.

"Maya Angelou did not say "can't go home again,"

but rather famously adapted the idea from

Thomas Wolfe's novel "You Can't Go Home Again"

Her own quote :

"You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it's all right."

-Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou believed that while you can't literally go back to a past version of a place, the essence of home and its influences are always a part of you. 

• Her perspective: Angelou argued against the finality of Wolfe's statement.

  She felt that one never truly leaves home because

  the experiences, dreams, fears, and emotions from youth stay with you.

• A different meaning of "home":

  For Angelou, home was a place of refuge and belonging

  that a person carries within themselves.

  She suggested that true growth is not about leaving

  this internal home behind, but about finding safety

  and a sense of self by returning to this core place within.

• The contrast: While Wolfe's novel suggests that home is a past ideal that can't be recaptured, Angelou's quote reframes it as a  permanent, inescapable part of one's identity. “ *

Maya Angelou clearly articulates & skillfully summarizes

the concepts I have been struggling over. 

I completely agree with Maya Angelou's

interpretation of what home really means.

I see now,

with a new perspective,

how all makes sense.

All fits together intelligently.

& harmonizes so logically, so sensibly.

The wish to recapture, or recreate is common.

This is an impossible feat.

You literally cannot go back in time to re-enact a scene in the story.

What does exist,

what does survive,

& what does prevail

is the Meaning of the Past.

Inside you forever.

That is the keeper.

That is the one with staying power.

And continues to do so.

Onward.  On & On. And then, .... on ....some more....

And, Becomes & Is 

& Forms into :

a part of one’s identity.

Who you are.

Now that’s staying power.

You carry around

with you your home

which is living

inside your heart.

Yes it is impossible to go back home again,

because you never left the place.

My present outlook about my best friend Being

& now three kittens are here ??

These three little balls of fire

got me

to realize

& see

who

I actually

loved

for 20 years.

I thought I had already known

everything that there was to possibly know

about my best friend of 20 years.

Not so.

These bitties taught me something very important.

My 20 year best friend Being :

I now salute your grace.

I now honor your glory.

I now praise your heart.

I now & still do hold boundless

limitless immense & unfathomable thankfulness

for the sacred time we shared together. 

I bow to you. My teacher. My Bodhisattva.

(Trumpets sound.)

Maybe it was he.

Who was the one that said, ok,

Now is the time for  Kris

to really see

who I was.

And he sent these three little bitties my way. Check this out Kris  …… Real. Live.

K-I-T-T-E-N-S !! ……..

**Wikipedia