THOUGHTS ON THE PROCESS: ....WHAT IS THE REAL AIM HERE: TO GROW UP, GROW OLD, STAY YOUNG ??

There’s that super creepy sound again.

Yep. Uh-huh. There it is again. I just knew it.

That raspy breathy yucky hiss of the barred owl.

Right outside my open window.

Over & over & over again.

That uplifted rising in tones of air thru the barred beak’s intake valves.

That awful hissy creeeepy wheeeezey whistling sound could be heard,

predictably, over & over & over. And over.

And. Especially in the middle of the silent nights.

Normally, I jump up disgusted, get pissed, & freak out.

Close the window to shut out the hiss.

If I can still hear it, I put on headphones to drown out that hiss.

I hate that sound. I just plain hate it.

It is the sound of a creature that wants to hunt & devour my cats.

It’s a creepy sound. It’s eerie. It freaks me out. I can’t stand that sound. I loathe it.

God I hate that eerie sound.

And. Especially in the middle of the silent nights.

Nevertheless : Nonetheless : Just the same : & despite the fact.

Last night I heard the barred. 

And. This time. I just lay there.

I just listened. I do not know why.

I have no idea why I simply listened.

I do not know what changed in me last night.

Over & over & over I lay there & listened to his hiss hiss.

I did not react. I did not respond.

I resigned myself to the fact that this was merely a sound.

My ears were listening to a sound. I relaxed.

I did not attach all my pre-judgmental pre-judicial pre-sumptions

& pre-set-opinions upon the little feathery barred’s beaked being.

He was only being who he was. A barred.

That is all he knows how to do. Being a barred.

And making that barred hissy sound is what he does bessssst.

A calmness spread over me, as I realized

my strange new “unheard-of “ before non-reactiveness. 

Overall, it seemed less like a choice was being made,

& felt more like a non-thinking no-thoughts spontaneous surrender 

was being enacted right before my ears, eyes, & being.

A surrendering to the situation. A letting go.

A-not-very-important-at-this-point-in-my-life

to get all bent out of shape over the hearing of this particular tone kind-of attitude.

That hiss did not have the same hissy-fit power it always had over my being anymore.

I felt a relief. I felt somewhat surprised, too.

It felt like, wow !! kris, you are really changing here.

This is so not like you.

I liked it. I liked not being what I was always before like.

I had improved myself right there in the middle of the night laying there in bed listening to the sounds of the night.

Later I awoke again to the sound of two barreds hissing.

Both of them in a hiss-duo call & response.

I lay there, just listening. Unperturbed.

My feathers unruffled. I was removed from reactivity.

I felt like, gee whiz, the old lady has really made self-progress here.

When I woke up the next morning I knew something was different.

Something had changed.

I had made a shift.

A leap.

A bound.

An internal adjustment.

I realized that I had “grown up,” even at the ripe old-young age of 71. 

And, ha ! oddly enough, this growth spurt happened all by itself in the middle of the night.

I had detached myself from a falsehood or a false belief.

The belief that a certain sound predictably causes me to behave in a certain way.

A claim that, now-wow, no longer fit.

A once time pre-dictable pre-diction of a pre-dilection

of a pre-disposition that no longer pre-vailed.

It per-ished. Poof !! Now it is a past post-disposition.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here, because a change has come.

And. The times they are a changin.’

Currently, in my now day to day,

I am exactly, precisely & completely

smack-dab dippity-do-ed

in the middle of a major life change.

A whole brand new start all-over chapter beginning soon.

A remake, a rebuild, a relocate, & reconstruction of my once-known 71 year life’s trajectory.

I will willfully now be putting the brakes on its’ self-complacent

thought-I knew-but-did-not direction.

Seeing things differently tends to put

everything everywhere all at once all before & up for evaluation.

Ai Wei Wei

Do I need this anymore ? Does this diminish my soul ? Do I need to believe this anymore ? Do I need to keep carrying this around anymore ? What do I need ? What is important ? What nourishes my being ? What can I no longer ignore ?

What sacrifices are doing me harm ? How am I playing life small & so-called safe ?

Letting go is a large factor of change.

Lighten the load. Let go. In-na let-it go-modus operandi.

At 71 I am guessing I got at least, possibly, a good couple more years,

at least, or more, ( ? ) left to do some

heavy-duty record-breaking earth-shattering impressibly magnificently monumental

coo-coo-a-choo awe-inspiring fireworks-display eye-opening

heart-pumping Feets

jumping-up-&-down

laugh-out-loud

boisterous Feats.

Preposterous, too, besides ?

Unbelievably incredibly triumphantly wondrous achievements ??

Still, in the works, old gal ?

Me ? I  ? all grown up ? now ?

Are you kidding me.

Growing up is a never-ending road.

Is it really thought-of as : “growing up ?”

or : “growing old ?”

or :“staying forever young ?” 

is that the aspiration in life ??

How is it, in what terms, do we think about improving one’s self.

What is progress ? in the timeline of age-ing.

Seriously …more wisdom grasshopper ?

Less fun ? Less play & spontaneity ?

Staying passionate about what you do.

How about keeping an open-mind.

How about not getting stuck in ruts or brain-dead routines.

How about continually questioning your belief systems.

How about stopping in order to be kind towards someone.

How about thinking about someone elses’ viewpoint.

How about thinking about if your perspective has become inflexible.

How about thinking about if your outlook is prejudiced.

Do you keep a bias. A twist. A slant. A, maybe, ... distortion ?

Examine your at sometime was a great notion notions.

Examine your go-to preferences.

Your really/de-fault out-dated settings.

Do you need a long overdue update ?

A check on real time reality.

The here & the right about now

funk soul brother & sisters.

“What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it.

If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”- Maya Angelou.

Can one actually re-calibrate brain cells.

Is it possible to open up the heart.

Think a-new. Think re-knew.

You know now you thought you know.

So it’s knew.

Somehow, I knew it.

What you really want is to come home to yourself.

Keep coming back home to yourself.

Tune in. Tuning-in. True-er to your self self,

and to a life that has :

Meaning, Worth, & big Joy.

Big joy, jubilation, elation, eloquence, exhilaration, rejoicing.

Don’t forget about that ah-hah !! wow !! joy !! factor.

So one keeps learning something new.

That you thought you knew.

That’s where thoughts & thinking gets in the way …

Radiance.

Accomplishments

that are successful

& shine.

Outstanding.

Take a bow.

Applause.

Well done, life !! … So very well done.