That Taboo Teacher

Going all the way out here far out onto a tree limb

to talk about the single most taboo of all

subject matters known to mankind.

Not gonna hush shhhush like usually the normally.

Gonna speak up loud, shout, & stand up for

it’s equal rights right about now in dialog.

Here me out.

The most taboo not talked about fact of life is,

….. ironically  !! : death.

We are trained to not speak, not talk, nor bring it up.

Way too whoa scary a thing to think about. Frightening in fact,

& forbidden. Big Time Ta- boo -hoo. And.

If you do so happen to even dare mention or speak out loud any words

about death, be sure to use that hushed lowered under the breath &

covers whisper quiet voice that emotes : “I am speaking about the unspeakable…” The descriptives used to refer to death are cushy padded and safe.

Why somebody merely : “passed on,”

“went to the other side,”

or are “no longer with us.”

Oh you mean, like dead, they died ?

I take a stand.

I disagree with these shrouded interactions.

I say different.

I have realized a much more vast &

spacious open-minded perspective.

Hear me out.

Trumpet sounding loud

& crystal clear :

Death is, by far,

thee greatest single

most profound Teacher.

For all. We all. Us all. You all. Whom all. Everyone all. All the all.

The most commonest of denominators.

Yet why so ignored & denied. Everybody gonna go there.

Nobody can escape it. Die. Shit gets real.

Experiencing death has

made me live

life differently.

Death has taught me

more than anything else

about how to truly

live life.

It reminds me about the fact,

the fact that we habitually seem to forget,

is that we all have a very specific timespan to our lifespans.

Only so many ticking by-bye hours short-livd days & milli-seconds

are given to each & every one of us.

The day we given the birth certificate we actually are given

a death certificate right at the same time. With an expiration date on it.

Am I being morbid here or realistic about accepting our shared reality.

Death is a motivator. The makes-things-happen-influencer.

And, so, knowing that, how is it ? do you choose ? 

to spend & live out those precious

incremental momentary moments.

As a young child I experienced grandparents dying.

They were placed in caskets, had funerals, & were laid out

so serenely to “rest.” It was as if they were in a dream state

where they appeared to be sleeping, only this time round it was a bit deeper & longer. They seem to be remotely removed from reality,

as if they were suspended within an untouchable out of reach state.

As a kid, I was detached from their leaving & did not quite fully understand.

A door had closed shut. I don’t get to see grandpa anymore.

I missed him during our once every so often holiday visits.

Yet I had vivid dreams afterwards of live conversations with my grandpa

that brought me solace & comfort to bridge the void he had left.

He was my hero. A hero that I could no longer access physically.

Only I was ok with his not being around. People get old. It was what happens.

As an older adult I carried an internal silent thread of dread

about the inevitable fact that someday somehow somewhere,

both my mom and my dad would permanently physically leave me.

We three were very close.

I carried this undercurrent of inner knowingness about what the future would hold.

I knew that day would come & I had no idea about how I could or would handle the fact. Thinking about living life without them around would not seem right.

How would I deal with that then ?

Then. One day.

Then. One day. Kah - Boom.

Then. One day. All that changed.

Then. One day. I was told my best friend had 3 months to live.

Then. One day. I completely understood the reality of death.

I held his hand.

He had waited for me to be there even as he was all doped up

on morphine with hospice around.

He squeezed my hand and looked me square in the eyes

& silently, without words, said goodbye.

I witnessed the raw reality of a soul leaving this realm right before my eyes.

I witnessed the entire passage. The caving in as air expired. The death rattle.

The change in the color of the sunken-in pallor. The two men dressed in suits & ties

who quickly & efficiently zipped up the thick crackly black plastic body bag

& transported my friend out of his living room onto a stretcher with wheels,

placing him inside a van to take him.

Further far away to another world.

Physically, I was right there having an out of body experience

as I was forced to having to let my best friend go.

I always had believed that he was the one person in this world

that would outlive me by decades because of his daily habits

of healthy eating, vitamins, no meat, yoga, besides having

a young inquiring mind & a crazy coo-coo ka-choo laugh

till your sides ached sense of humor.

Then. Kah- boom. He left quite suddenly. I was in shock. Then.

The impact of that day of his departure left an everlasting impact upon me.

Here one day, gone the next. I get it. You only got right now. Got it ? Dig ?

Within days right after my friend died, I left my husband because of his illicit behavior.

Do not have any time for this. Bye-bye.

Take the 32’ sailboat we spent 8 years building together & living aboard.

That does not matter anymore. Life matters. And how one lives it.

I packed a backpack & walked out the door.

Then.

And then.

A few months later my mom had a serious stroke.

Crushed & broken, I held her hand.

She died. Goodbye mom.

I was surrounded by all these deaths.

And death in so many different forms.

Friends, family, husbands, a marriage, homes,

a hand-built sailboat, geographies, my life’s trajectories,

my dreams, & who I was & who I used to be.

Then. I left, alone, to go to the Himalayas

for a month long hiking expedition with 6 other strangers.

Time out. Look at the stars. Breathe in breathe out. Be. Become.

Death is the greatest teacher :

It shows you how you do not have time to waste.

It shows you that every single day is of the upmost importance.

It shows you not to take life for granted.

It shows you that you have a designated expiration date.

It shows you to remember that birth/death certificate contract.

It shows you how to make better life choices.

It guides you to be who you really truly are.

There is a quick finality.

Happens even when you are off-guard surrounded by

high energy vitality, like when my cat died.

Comes in an instant. Unannounced.

Flips from one state to the next like a light-switch.

No discussion. No bartering. No bargains. No deals. No ifs ands & b-b-butts.

Nothing to offer. Nor say. Nor do. Not allowed to have a vote here.

All-on then all-off. Gone.

Death is the decider final gavel slam dunk judge rule-maker the sole overseer.

No avoidance from it’s summons.

You at it’s complete mercy.

What will you do with your few precious moments here ?

Try to make sense of the illogical ?

Or rather seek out sensibility somewhere else.

You decide.

Start over & over & over.

Every day.

It is way aok. Begin again.

There is no leaving behind.

There is only be-ginning be-coming be-ing anew. Be.

No more playing small. Shall seek to not be meek this week.

None compromising round the clock with timing chiming 24/7.

You in a good spot ? All way all round ?

All is meaningful & worth your while ?

Standing solidly firmly justly grounded,

here there everywhere you & your Cause.

Cause Cuz your Worth While is now

slowly ebbing just like that big ole foreseeable new to full moon

& those seemingly incrementally everlasting slow low to high tides

now as we now read these now words upon this now page.

You got a dreaming stored in your being ?

Awaken from your golden slumber dream state &

realize & reach for it with purposeful intention.

Give it your full undivided attention.

What is it out there that would fulfill a gap.

Close up your computer.

Get up on your two feet.

Yah, you know the ones, those things

you got down below your knees.

March over to the mirror on those same two feet

Look at your hey you yah you self & ask :

What is the wish upon a star wish ?

that is ? ..... Missing.

Find that golden key.

What would bring you

all the way

oh auntie em

there’s no place

like home

home to yourself.

The impetus is right now.

Go on : be free.

Get on out there. Go on.

Yah it’s scary I know. All those whoa unknowns. So many.

Why you gonna let fear rule how full you allow yourself to live life ?

Go for it right now.

Be : You.

Effortlessly.

All the way.

"When somebody loves you, it's no good unless he loves you, all the way.

Happy to be near you, when you need someone to cheer you, all the way.

Taller than the tallest tree is, that's how it's got to feel.

Deeper than the deep blue sea is, that’s how deep it goes if it's real.

When somebody needs you, it’s no good unless he needs you, all the way.

Through the good or lean years, & for all the in-between years, come what May.

Who knows where the road will lead us, only a fool would say.

But if you let me love you, it’s for sure I'm gonna love you, all the way.

All the way." ***

*** “All the Way” :  this song was created by Sammy Cahn and Jimmy Van Heusen in 1957 for the movie “The Joker Is Wild” with Frank Sinatra as the singer of the song & the lead character of the film. The song won the academy award that year for best original song.

This was my mom’s favorite song. I heard it played a lot as a kid on our hi-fi as mom sang along.