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NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART



June 1, 2023, two months ago, a merely sixty dailys past, I shared my excitement and joy in bringing and adopting two bitty kittys into our home. This story received way way so many more reader views than all the other stories written for this here krisstalore collage.

I know everyone loves loves bittys. Bittys are sensational lovable adorable yes.

Two days ago, 48 hours to be exact, JuJu died. Our sweet “Little Big Bitty” who was small in size yet so big in stature & strength is no more.

I will share and I will try to inform and educate you and I will tell you his story to help me try to process this loss and for you to be aware of these kinds of kitty losses.

Do I ? Understand it ? Will I ever ? Probably not. A buddin’ orange bloomin’ blossuming loved the sunshine talker Yakker type he was sooo Fluffy !! A being who went away way way before his time. JuJu was just starting out. Just beginning. Just. Ju- Ju-Just. Un-just.

And. Not a tid bitty of justice here.

Barely two weeks ago, JuJu shit some clear goo instead of poo. Alarmed I looked online for a clue to the goo. He just just just had his physical exam at the vet 4 days prior besides getting his rabies shot. The next day after the goo he stopped eating. Not good. I call the emergency pet center. With a 4-5 hour wait in line I tried my super busy vet and they said bring him in, drop him off, and we will fit him in between appts.

Six hours later I got the news.

Feline Coronavirus symptoms. The test to find out takes 1-4 days ok let’s do it.

Beware of the fact that this is a test for the Coronavirus. The virus also can mutate into the fatal variety called F.I.P in which there is no test for, nor a remedy. JuJu had a high fever, was anemic, had a super high white blood count. Given an ultrasound to extract stomach fluids to send off for testing. I am told to hydrate him so I am given needles syringes and sacs of liquid because he is dehydrated. And I am told to get him to eat. You go home now.

And wait.

Feeling frenetically fanatically fraught with shock and helplesness, I straight away go to the local pet store and ask for help. Help !! Help me !! A woman angel waiting there for me has some answers. To me, at the time, she was a shining beam of light. "Goat’s milk," she whispers. Goat’s milk. I get that besides all this kitty junk food squeeze tubes of goodies food for finicky eating cat products she loaded and stocked me up good with ammunition for the forthcoming days.

We hydrate we turkey baster down the gullet warmed up goat’s milk we create bathtub bucket bathing soaking brigades to clean the crusty milk off his chest and gooey goo off his bum as we watch JuJu drop weight right before our eyes. The teeny tiny itsy bitsy bitty was a going down under his 3.6 lbs when last weighed at his exam the week before. Helplessly we soldier on doing the best we can doing all we can to make him comfortable well loved well cared for and tended to tenderly as we fight this foreign strange unwanted go away git scram you intruder who cast this spell who dropped this thick curtain cloak of darkness over our sweet sweetest little-est bitty-est kitty. One minute aok good the next minute red flags fire alarms and dire dire deep dark devastating danger.

Four painfilled long drawn out hydrate bathe turkey baster now eyedropper goat’s milk days later : JuJu eats chomp chomp yum some solid food !! Not once but twice that morning !! Chompity chomp gulp. Nutrition. I imagine in my mind he has pulled through. I am elated. I am high. That little JuJu is such a bad ass warrior a tough guy a stand-up guy he’s talkin’ away in his own squeeky chirping chipper assertive way he has got so many things to say he is so boisterous and vocal !! Yabba dabba do I love it. I go see the vet and update her only to be told it was probably only “a rally.” She gives me the consultation test results beat the hammer long side the head news. Test is negative for Mycoplasma and Toxoplasma which have similar JuJu symptoms. Test is positive for coronavirus. And she is 99% sure JuJu has the fatal F.I.P. strain of virus because of all his high off the charts counts and red alert symptoms. No please. I am not comprehending Those Words. My tone-deaf ears are not hearing Those Words. My broken down brain is stuttering shutting down slowly no neurons firing only fried up bits of sand blasted pain. And my heart my heart is crumbling sinking down caving in hollow. As a last ditch effort in doing everything we can, we decide to try to administer an experimental drug. Again, JuJu rally responded favorably eating eating drinking slurp drinking for two days. Then. Then.

The next mourning. No eat no drink no. Hiding. Swaying.

Not keeping head elevated up up up.

No no no. That was two eternity days eternal ago.

This is just not fair. This isn’t fair. Not fair. This is. Not Fair. Not. Fair. Not.

In retroflect, now that we know more understand more about the disease and are more aware, there were many warning signs along the way. This is where I want to share with you : Help These Bittys Now News Broadcast. The disease is prevalent in kittens youngsters baby cats. The coronavirus strain disease can lay dormant inside for years. Sometimes it advances into the fatal strain F.I.P. like how HIV and can transform and mutate into AIDS. Tens of thousands of cats every year die of the F.I.P. virus. It is believed to be transmitted through rescue shelters in an environment of packed in kittys kittys too many together. The source is the litter tray with feces the culprit. When one gets a rescue/shelter cat you have no idea of where they been, their history. I think JuJu was carrying the virus when we got him. At first super playful and energetic he lapsed into a zone of quiet sitting all by himself. He also had brought with him a suckling habit in which he had not been weaned properly. He obsessively continuously suckled any and all body parts including his siblings’. We came up with the idea of putting a cone on him for two weeks and got him to stop. Online advice for the habit was only “Hey Good Luck with Dat !!” You are all on your own with how to deal with it. The pet emergency center signed off the habit pretty much saying awww he’s only just a kitten when we went there to obtain a mini-kitty sized cone. After the cone came off he did not play so hard. We blamed it upon possibly post conehead type malaise. He loved to stuff himself with food and we would notice his sides exploded outwards. He walked around like a grapefuit. The bloated sides is a pre-cursor symptom of the disease. We had been ignorant of so many little signs in hindsight.

We sent the little tough fluffy guy off in grand style.

A beautiful JuJu spot in our woods is all his.

A big yellow glowing sun painted on a stone for our one and only...

Little Big Bitty.



FOOTNOTE :


As more friends open up their hearts to me in response to the JuJu story, I answered one of them with some written insights about after the fact. I think this letter explains more, further, additionally, better, brighter, clearer. A more appropriately graceful way to add to

the JuJu story.


Hi Pete,

You were the only other person besides Joe & I that got the pleasure to know both the bittys. Only you Pete, and they took to you immediately right off as they both jumped atop sitting on you, claiming, stake-ing out their claims :

“He’s mine, all mine, all mine” … yes, as you rightfully said it : OurLoss.

Their sweet goofiness was contagious true ? Joe and I have spent time remembering some of the more goofier moments which brought us laughter and tears. Goof balls supreme both of them.
I am leaving out so much of the story that would crush people hard, you, especially, because you knew them. Those sacred parts.
Joe and I made it through those esp hard days doing what needed to be done, but only as, a we ; together. Still our heads are empty vacuum voids of hollowness from all the emotions and tears and disbelief. Yes, disbelief.
We had the foresight to get 24 Costco-proportion-quantity-sized boxes of Kleenex right before these days, only because of the cold we both shared. Little did we know what the future would bring. I think half the boxes have been used up now.

I might advise you to read the lionheart piece in the krisstalore pages.
First off. It dissects grief. Matter of factly looks grief in the eye.
I could say I wrote the piece with you in mind. I think you, lionhearted. An apt descriptive. There are funny-make-you-laugh segments interspersed, also.
I think it good to share perspectives on that incomprehensible why why why hard stuff.
I am not afraid to speak about whys. Look whys in the eye. Most people avoid it - too taboo. Too much. Rather they only speak about the unemotional.
I find it odd that in writing you now, about OurLoss,
I have not once even mentioned OurGain.

All my words written above are all about : Them. Both. Bitty (s) -plural. Their. They. Odd.
Yes we did see them as a unit. Yet. Only One is missing. The other is alive and well and so powerfully well-adjusted and In and Of himself. We had great four-tune & four-site two adopt Two.
MoJo is the main force protecting us now, taking care of Joe & I now, helping Joe & I now.
And yes, MoJo is morphing into his bro at times. MoJo has taken on new characteristics as he grows in which he personifies his bro. MoJo embodies both now. I know for a fact.
Smart smart smart. Incredible. The powers that Be work in strange ways.
And here’s the real truth. The bittys were so aptly named.
Little did we know at the time how true a JuJu would be.
And ohh how his bro so magically powerful : a MoJo.
Wouldn’t trade those blessed very first phenomenal days when they were first freed from their cages for anything. It was like being allowed to see to get a glimpse of the very best there is in life, like being let in on a secret & a secret world that very few get to see,
like being included inside the real magic - happening right before our eyes.
I saw the interaction and joy-wow-explosion dance of what it is to being free.
Free To Be between them both. Together both. Jumping out of their skins with pure fun.

Joe & I shared witnessing the beauty of seeing their spirits open up.
A dance right before our eyes.
Love, Kris.

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