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Monumental Life Changing Moments : Saying Yes to a NO






Over the years I have observed a decidedly repeat pattern in my life.

Time and again. Same pattern.


I wonder : is this just me ??

Or have most folks witnessed this interaction with how things unfold as I have ??

Over and over : same pattern.

And ...And .... And ....


This is THEE weirdest part :


this pattern appears especially especially when it involves the things in my life

that have turned out to be

the most solid gold parts of my life.



Those parts of my life that have made my life worth living.

Those monumental life changing moments when you are who you are one day,

and then, poof !!  the next day,

you have been transformed into somebody completely different.

The life changers.

And, it all turns out really really good.



These life-changing transformations have all started out for me in exactly the same way :

they happen to me the minute I say yes to a NO.


These reversals and paradoxical counter opposites & contrary flip upsides down moments I have made have ended up turning out to be :


the best decisions

I have ever made

in my entire life.

Ever.


Why is this ?

My pre-closed-up pre-opinionated tight-minded-ness all of sudden decides to open up a crack and let some light in. On the spot and with no thinking involved or time for the pondering to paralyze the process, I make a surprising left turn instead of the habitual auto automatic robotic right turn.

Then !!

Something very way out of the ordinary happens.

All of a sudden I am leaping off into a brand new extra-ordinary existence.

The best places I have found myself in, were due to going against my grain.

When I contradict my NOrmal go-to inclinations,

and decide to NOt listen to my usual self, 

I go somewhere I have never been. 


I have seen this similar repeated sequence of events take place.

These left turn instances have been the gold of my whole life.


The solid gold.




What is this pheNOmeNOn ???


What is this pheNOmeNOn in which I do NOt do what I would NOrmally ???


I think it has something to do along the lines with being open-minded.

I think it has something to do with golden opportunities that appear in your path along the way in which you do NOt realize the implications at the time.

NOt quite realizing the impact and power of these life changing moments.

NOt recognizing them. I am quite unaware of the stakes, the chance, the venture, the risk, the speculation at the crossroads at those junctures.

I have NO idea at the time, what the real difference is in choosing a yes or a NO. Somehow somewhere sometimes I take the risk I gamble I take the chance I speculate

I take a leap.

I am not scared.

And most importantly,


I trust in the process.


Instantaneous evolutionary revolutionary metamorphosis arises.

The following change is galactic and solid gold.

The cocoon larva sleeping bag zips open,

luminous sparkling sunshine surrounds me,

spreading my brightly neon electric multi-colored wings,

I lift off, and FLY.

Hello Brand New Brave New World. 

I have evolved in my chronology.

I am ready.

I have arrived.

I have come into being.

I am a new being.



The first time :


I distinctly remember putting up a big fence, pre-formulating the words in my already sealed-up pre-concluded-conclusions well-established pre-programmed pre-formulated mind of a great big giant “NO,” a future soon to come “NO-WAY” on the way knee jerk reaction that was in the making, and soon to be the putting of my foot down hard on the brakes to stop quit and turn around, and asserting a great big NO NO NO, was when I was applying for a job.


I had boxed myself into a corner with my very specialized work experience

in moving to a small town. I decided  to take care of my dad who needed care full time.

I had quit my super lucrative high-income loved my job professional career as a darkroom mural printer by working in a large fine arts commercial photography lab in the big city of Seattle. One of the clients was the one and only Bill Gates. I had printed billboard sized backlit movie posters on 50 inch transparency material for his home theatre. Other clients included Macy’s Nintendo Costco. On & on. I left to help my dad 24/7. After time dad needed to move into a care facility. I had found a really shitty job at a small photo lab in an industrial park that was a one to two hours away one way commute. On one of these commutes a small plane crashed into some wires near the freeway and it took me nearly 3 - 4 hours to get home that night. I wanted out. This was NOt my idea of a good time. I could NOt even park near my job at the industrial park because a metal fabricator littered tire-eating metal chards in the parking lot. NOt-alotta fun.

The boredom, besides the stress, were stifling.


And yes, I had helped my dad, which was the very hardest thing altogether and at the same time the very best thing I ever did. Would do it all over again. Dad, my personal hero.

I stepped up to the bat for him and swung that bat for him with all my might.

A home run.


So,

this is the story line.

I have put things into perspective.

Me, quite desparate and unhappy with my current shitty job situation.

And it was, a shitty : Sitch - whay - shun.


I found a local flyer delivered to my front porch doorstep one day.

There was actually a work listing in the ads for an “intaglio printer.”

What the heck is that said my inquiring curious mind.

I knew right off and recognized the word “printer” which initially caught my eye,

yet the word “intaglio” baffled me and threw me for a loop.

What the heck is that ?

An Italian word ? Spanish ?

I got out the dictionary to look for some clues.

Hmm something about engraved and etched plate printmaking.

I surmised that this was art related which was right up my alley and

decided to apply for this mystery job.

During my lunch break at the shitty job from you-kNOw-where,

I drove to a phone booth in the parking lot of a market nearby.

Do you remember those Clark Kent Superman transformational

clothes-changing conveniences ?? 

I called the phone number inside this Superman booth and the nice lady that answered the phone gave me directions and a time to show up for the interview. 

She finished up by saying I had to take a ferry boat, by the way.

My heart instantly sunk to the floor of the Superman booth.

I was taken aback.

I was kNOcked sideways.

I was super dismayed.


The big “ NO NO NO - NO WAY ” decision

had already formed and was firmly established, locked in, and

instilled in my stubborn hard-headed cranium after I hung up the phone.


NO effing way

would I

be commuting

on a ferry boat

every

day

to get to work.

Are you kidding me ?

What an obstacle, such a big hassle,

Not this !!

after I had gone through all those long winded commutes

I had grumpily partook in daily to get to, yes, you kNOw the one,

to get to that current shitty job of mine.

Commute on a ferry ?


NO. NO. NO WAY. NOt gonna happen.


When my interview day appeared, I followed the nice lady’s directions. I decided to go to the interview merely because I had told the nice lady on the phone that I would be there.

I kept my word.

Yet,

I had already made up in my mind,

that NO NO NO - NO WAY

would not be taking any ferries to get to any job.

I would not be accepting this job. Obviously, not a good fit.

.


When I followed the directions, the ferry was NOt actually located at the San Juan Ferry docks with all the other state ferries I had been expecting.

The ferry to this interview was a little tiny county ferry. It was really pretty cool.

The passage was only 5 minutes across the water channel. Wow. This is different.

I had never kNOwn about NOr realized that this ferry NOr this island

existed before this interview. And it was close to home, merely 30 minutes away

on a NOt too very busy road.


An older couple in a white van on the ferry rolled their window down and

knew right off I was a stranger. They interrogated me on the spot -

“you’re NOt going to move here are you ?” they asked.

Man, the natives are unfriendly I thought. NO I told them. Only looking for a job.


I found the "intaglio" place. I talked to a few different people besides the really nice lady who had been on the phone. Why Hello !! I stood in the print office which was 3 stories off the ground and overlooked an open grassy marsh on one side and Puget Sound beachfront with a view of sNOwy Mt. Baker on the other. Beautiful. I left there kind of in a daze because it was NOt what I was expecting at all. I had NO experience, yet by the time I got home, there was a phone call from the owner, who was out on the road, telling me I was hired.

I said yes. I completely overrode my pre-NO state stubborn state of mind who had pre-voted a NO NO-tion. The brick walls in my mind crumbled down.


YES _ I would love to take This job and ride That ferry.



The rest is history. The printmaking job turned out to be the best job I have ever had.

It grew to become family. Everyone there.

Working amongst a collection of the most creative and nutty individuals was just my speed and I fit right in.

I eventually managed the whole printshop and office single handedly,

and was employed there for 15 years.

I had found my place. My place in the world. It was a great fit.


My employers and I had both originated 2313 miles away from Grand Rapids, Michigan.


The owner and I had, also, faithfully frequented this most unconventional so not a church churches there, too. A Bach pounding pipe organ, cobalt blue stained glass, a riveting speaker who rose our consciousnesses with thought provoking provokatations and all, yet we did not frequent it at the same time. And. Yet. Still. This so not-a-conventional-church had equally and importantly, in many ways, formed who we both were.


Possibly it was there that the owner of that "intaglio"place began placing

her bread crumbs trail for me to discover, and follow, only for us to meet up much later.


The owner also had been a nurse at the hospital that I was born.

I had ice skated on the same lake as a tyke possibly there also amongst her children.


Back to my NO to a yes train of thought :

This time I had NOt listened to my preconceived ideas and

closed minded NO-mind this time.

I could have easily cancelled the appt beforehand when I had made up my mind.

Yet, I checked out this impossible of a commute job, and boy, was I ever wrong !!


Sometimes one must NOt believe what one thinks is true.

Sometimes one must NOt think what one believes is true.

Leap y’all. I’m telling ya, it’s good for you.





The second time :


this pheNOmeNOn, I’ll call it : 

“turning a NO into a yes” happened,


I was completely unprepared.

This one was more like a pulled my feet out from under me.

My little brain was so bamboozled it fizzled like Fizzies.

 I was completely stunned and dumbfounded.

I had never experienced anything so paradoxically ...

contradictory ...

mysterious ...

like this before.




We are talking life - changing here. In all it’s glory. Monumental. Every cell in my being shifted.




I was getting ready to go to work. You kNOw the one, that incredible "intaglio" place I had wow found. I looked out my front door. I saw a little some kind of animal shape across the street in the YMCA park grass. This thing had a big tail. Was it a chipmunk ? A squirrel ? What the heck. I stepped out on my front porch out of curiosity to get a closer look.

You kNOw the one, that very same front porch in which I discovered a flyer that landed me my "intaglio" place job. So here I am, again. The front porch.


That little creature lifted its head up and turned towards me when I stepped out onto the porch. Instantly it ran towards me to cross the street. Right then at that exact moment a car whizzed by and I held my hands up over my eyes to not see it get flattened.

I slowly removed my hands and looked. The little creature had made it all the way across and was running full tilt boogie woogie leaping wobbling up my high-reaching-for-him front steps. He ran right up to my feet. I look down and realized that it was a kitten.

It cried out “help me.” I did NOt speak kitten yet I knew that was what he was saying.

Loud and clear and audible. I picked it up and brought it inside.

It had black oil smeared on its’ sides and sticky black tar on its’ kitten feet pads.

Its’ hip bones stuck straight up out of its' back. He was thin. He had traveled very far.

I got him some milk and breakfast cereal.



A cat !!?? !! Of all things. A darned cat !!

I canNOt stand cats.

I have been an eternal dog person my whole life.

I love dogs. I have had dogs around me all my life.

Cats ?

Are you kidding me ?

They hiss they sneak around low to the ground they are unlovable loners they are independent they pounce they jump out of nowhere they're freaky.

NOt only could I NOt stand cats, I actually hated cats.

Every cat I have ever encountered scared me.

I canNOt relate to cats.

They are foreign creatures to me.

I avoid them like the plague.

Stay away. Yuck. Eww cats. Shoo.


I decided right then and there

I would put this poor little creature in the back porch while I went to work,

and when I got back home, take him to the animal shelter.

And. Be done with him. A cat. Geez.


After work I found the kitten curled up in the towel right where I had left him.

I picked him up and he began to emit this really loud low

resounding reverberating rumbling sound

that was quite overwhelming for such a bitty being.

RRRRRoarrrrrrr - mmmmm- rrrrr-mmm.

I think it’s called purring.

The bitty looked me square in the face and gazed contentedly into my eyes.

We connected. I noticed his coloring was an unusual bright orange color.

I was quite taken with his color, his green eyes that had black eye liner around them, and his especially big gigantic fluffy very large puffy tail. It's so fluffy !!

I began to soften in his presence.

I saw this kitten for who he was.

A helpless scared frail little being that needed care.

Besides being beautiful and loving.

And not so very scary.


I decided right then and there that I would take him in,

for awhile,

care for him,

for awhile,

and see how it goes,

for awhile …


Yet deep down inside I knew right then and there, he was all mine.

I fell in love with this bitty right then and there.

I told him he had found his home.

He was not going anywhere.

Be mine little bitty. He agreed on the spot.

Ok. !!



Poody ended up blowing everybody’s mind. Not just mine.


Pood jumped up on my father in law’s lap when they first met and looked him square in the face. For a long time. Pete, the eternal super duper hard-core dog lover had been transformed instantly into a cat person via Poody.

We had friends come in to check on him when we took off once for over a week. When we got home our friends questioned us - "Do you know your cat says "Oh -hhhh Ohh " ???

Poody Pood Pood expressed "ohh-ohhh" when our friends entered our house ...We laughed, yah we know he talks. When I entered the room Pood was in he would throw his head back in an exuberant circle and say "WWWOOOWW," greeting me like I was the greatest thing on the planet. wow.


I was told by the vet I raised him like a dog.

Towards the end of his long life of nearly 20 years,

I would say I raised him more like a human being.

And now, that he is no longer here with me as my constant life’s solid gold companion,

I would have to say that it was He.


That had raised Me.


He had chosen Me.


He came up to me and said you are it.

He found me.

And.

I swear.

He was not a real cat.

He only looked like one .......



I have lived with a standard model of opus operating

modus operandi

which operates with fundamental principles in which I believe certain convictions.

This is me, I proclaim !!

This is what I believe !!

This is who I am !!

Sometimes these self-limiting concepts that I hide behind from unwarranted fears of the unknown mysteries of life prove to be false & inaccurate.

The pre-sumptions are wrong-sumptions.

 I may want to surrender or let go when it comes to pre-determined determinations.

Try taking the high road and practice the big switcheroony of saying yes to a no.

Try taking a leap. Jump. Fly.


A New Way of Being Begins.



Third time :

a YES to a NO pheNOmeNOm :



This example : epic.

I still find it hard to fathom the reality of it.



I had been working at that job I told you about, the one that needed a ferry to get to.

The human-like-dog-like cat that only looked like a cat was at home watching over the fort.

My boss, the one who I worked for at the job that needed a ferry to get to, had been once and awhile mentioning to me time and again, about the success of many of his friends who tried an on-line site that matches people up. Well .. Ha !! I am happy for them. I was at a point in my life in which I had been divorced for about 15 years NOw and had NOt once let any male of the opposite sex near me who wanted to be more than just friends.

Stay away dudes.


NO NO NO - NO WAY. Had enough of Dat. All the guys in my life that I had fallen in love with turned out to be the wrong guy and caused me a lot of heartache. I had pleasantly self proclaimed myself as one who would be single for the rest of her life. Accepted the fact.

My ex husband confessed he had picked up a female hitch hiker once and you kNOw what happened next. On the night of the day we celebrated with a big launch party for the completion of our handbuilt from the fiberglass hull up custom mahogany wood interior 36 foot cutter sailboat we had both spent nine years building together, as we live in a 20 foot trailer next to the boat building site at my ex’s bro’s house, my ex did NOt come home that night either. My ex had begun shooting up drugs and wanted me to join him. Next day I grabbed a backpack, filled it with a few clothes and walked away from our 10 year marriage saying : “I really have to go NOw.” My previous boyfriend of 4 years decided that he did NOt want to contribute financially to our life, right after we had purchased 5 acres of land and had built a hand made house out of used materials. We had NO power, NO plumbing, NO phone, only a fresh stream, gravity fed water system, wood heat sauna, oil lamps, and wood heat. I had the time of my life living off the grid for a whole year there. I was in my early 20’s at the time, if that explains anything.


So, … with having this burnt out history of greasy fried to a crisp relationships, I vowed :

I quit. This was NOt my idea of fun. I decided I was going to build my very own house.

And. All by myself this time. I was bound and determined to do it on my own because all my previous results at homebuilding had been taken away from me. This was going to be just mine. And. I did it. I also decided to travel the world alone and NOt wait for the just right companion to travel with. I got my car fixed by myself. I did all those supposedly what I thought were only guy things or with a guy thing on my very own. Used hammers saws floor nailers floor sanders. Watch out world. I was independent. I was dauntless determined resolute with a side of feisty thrown in. Almost feeling a bit lionhearted. Gallant. Courageously brave. I did it all. I let NOthing come in between me and my wishes.

Or broken heart.


So NOw living the lifestyle I did as an islander, on an island, in the middle of a forest on the side of a mountain with a moat surrounding me, I had my job, you kNOw the one, right down the road, a bikes’ ride away. Trips to the mainland possibly once a week or every other week to the grocery store and back. My lifestyle was one of pretty much living in isolation. Besides being with my looks-like-a-cat-not-really-a-cat cat. Still, my boss, you kNOw the one, would tell me about the many success stories of many of his good friends that found their beaus via a matching up site on-line.


My strongly held belief that I voiced back in return in reply to him was always in the form of :

I do NOt believe

that a computer can determine who

has compatible chemistry between two people.

That’s nuts.

A machine ? Tell me ?

Who I would be attracted to as a partner ?

" NO NO NO - WAY "

I would proclaim like a battle cry.

A machine.

Are you kidding me.

I am so old fashioned.

That’s me that’s who I am.

Never been big on technology.

Especially when it comes to sorting out human qualities.

The two do NOt mix.

NOpe.

NO WAY.

NOt my thing.


I was getting my hair cut. The stylist told me all about the fun she was having with her brand new boyfriend. Fishing, riding motorcycles, fun fun. I made the giant mistake of asking how they met. On-line she said. Then she proceeded to say they both wrote letters to each other for the longest time before even meeting face to face. Hmmm. Somehow that interaction with my stylist on that day put a bug in my bonnet. A big hummer bug.




She was having loads of fun. She met someone by writting letters. That sounded safe, harmless, and for me a gentle enough way to slowly slowly get to know someone.

I was afraid. Yet.

You know me, I love love love to write long letters. And. And. And. I was at a place in my life where I was feeling this void, an empty spot, a gap, a hollow echo in my life that needed filling somehow. Something was missing. I had proved to myself that I could do it all.

And do it all all all by myself.

I was tough.

I was strong.

Yet, something was missing …



I enrolled in match. com  for 6 months.

I would give it a try.

And see what happens.

Sure enough

just as I had thought,

after 6 months,

I found NObody interesting.

The experiment was a flop.


On the very last night of my enrollment,

I shot out 6 emails to dudes

that were NOt within my dating parameters who looked pretty ok.

Just on a whim.

I shut the computer down that night

and said adios to computer dating.

You have got to be kidding me.

"NO NO NO - NO WAY".

I knew it.


The next day a response came through from the match site. A guy with a nickname sailor who wore these really cool old-fashioned wire rim glasses. He lived 80 miles outside my preferences distance zone in Seattle. We exchanged phone numbers and talked for over an hour. He had a really nice voice. That weekend I had promised my friend Beki I would help her with her yard work, when all of a sudden she miraculously found someone else all of sudden who did her yard work miraculously all of a sudden and she did not need me miraculously all of a sudden. I decided to meet the sailor with wire rims that very weekend at the Seattle Zoo. There was something comfortably genuine about the sound of his voice on the phone.



I walked into the encircled area we had decide to meet. I knew he was behind me before I even turned to look. I slowly slowly slowly turned around. Sure enough, there he was, I knew it was him. We introduced ourselves. We got zoo tickets and then he said something really strange right off - “well that’s our very first financial transaction together” like there were going to be more ?? That was pretty bold of him. Why did he say that ?? We walked around the zoo amongst all these little girls who were wearing tu-tus, all of them bright magenta Barbie pink. Tons of these little girly girls dressed-up like little ballerina fairys with magic wands and sparkly star crowns, spreading magic dust, as they tippy toe danced all around us on that Mother’s Day at the zoo. They were everywhere.



I could elaborate on all the magic that happened that day at the zoo. I know you know what became of me and the sailor with the wire rims that day at the zoo. From what I understand, it’s all happening at the zoo. So I hear. 90 days later we got married. 10 years later we are celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary.



In fact I know its all happening at the zoo.

We locked eyes that day.

We held hands.

It felt like home and has ever since.



Another stunning moment of when,

a no turned into a yes. Simply life-changing.




Ta- da !! ... No. ( not The end of the story.) YES!!

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