You have. completely changed. my life.
A List of # 9 Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes :
#1. - I am reconnecting to You who has been long ago gone.
Yah …You !! From the olden days.
You too College chum. Are you kidding me ? How cool is that ?
This is the best best unexpected repercussion.
And, connecting to my husband’s friends.
All these reunions and bonds being created by You.
All the connections are unexpected surprises that really fire me/us/You/we/us.
And we are all together.
Bridge making.
Generating good vibes fellowship bonds.
Identifying this mutual magic as love.
#2. - Becuzz I have committed to reworking the site once a month …
“once a month” has suddenly transformed into most ALL of the time
for me in regards to being inexplicably connected to the site.
Painting daily. Shooting photos out in the world to contribute.
I find myself looking out now at the world for vignettes
ALL the time in order to share to contribute.
Remembering recalling collecting cool stuff to add to the site.
Once a month ? Ha it is most ALL the time for me.
When I am not actively editing the site,
I am living life activated by how to make the site better.
I am operating full-time now
on an absorbing engaging creative frequency now.
Like looking out with new eyes. Like feeling more alive. Abuzz.
#3. - Becuzz of this most all the time preoccupation with You,
I suddenly no longer have the time to dwell, worry,
or waste time on useless ho-hum dilly dally dawdle.
My existence is filled with this constant commitment of care &
attentiveness all directed for a sole purpose : continuously creating.
This is the really cool part : taking care defined as continuously creating.
A consequence of creating the site is care.
Taking care is a new life style. A reverberating resonance.
#4. - Ok. Are You ready for this ch-ch-ch-change you big Bowie fans ??
My husband is ignited musically. Abuzz.
He is creating whole concept albums with 14 tracks now
instead of dribbling out a single ditty every so often.
His creative output has amplified turned up cranked up loud
on the volume & increased because of You.
Love this.
Your influence did this readers.
You inspirational influential influencers.
You energizing enthusiastic encouragers.
#5. - Because what is created is sent out into the world
on an ethereal cable network,
I view the created collage as a shooting star.
I construct & let it go.
Not needing :
a one-to-one-personal-direct-acknowledgement-anything-back-in-return
& having no reliance on any expectations,
I am now overwhelmingly wildly surprised by your
completely voluntarily spontaneously honest retorts.
I am free.
You readers, give so much of yourselves in return
with all your insights, wisdom, and humor.
[ A Background News Flash !! ] … When covid hit I sent long letters in legal sized collage-ed envelopes to friends as a substitute for lack of socializing.
Not receiving any acknowledgements back sometimes,
I felt rejected besides somewhat needy. I quit writing.
I love to write and needed an outlet for my creativity.
I invented this collage site instead as a substitute for the letter writing.
What a difference a day makes.
Such a great give and take between us all.
#6. - With this newfound attitude of detached detachment,
feelings of rejection & sinking into needy negativity,
have poof disappeared.
These emotional qualities are no longer a part of the equation of this collage.
No more feelings of inadequacy.
These ch-ch-changes have also rubbed off into
my d-d- dah-day-to-day, also.
In need of less validation. Rejections don’t give me the big bee sting.
Feeling lightened hearted. Create & let it fly. Take those risks.
Abandon fear. Give it away to the whole wide world.
#7. - I still somewhat follow the collage template of thee olde style US mail
covid letter writing days of yore. Only. Only.
This is the beauty.
It has been restructured & opened up into a broader wilder crazy multi-media music poetry photography paintings extravaganza. And.
Now this collage shindig site is shared with multitudes of readers
....instead of a single recipient.
Having a larger audience to consider influences the output.
Reinforces overall improvement.
Promotes better wordsmithing.
Rubs off when painting, too.
I can do better gosh darn it.
Challenges all aspects of what is included.
And in the long run, makes it way more fun. And worthwhile.
#8. - Insecure vulnerabilities, doubts and feelings of uncertainty still surface.
Is it good enough ? Why do I do this ? Where is this going ? Who cares ?
One edition was a big flop.
I flunked big time.
I slam dunk sunk into a funk.
Kerplunk. I reckoned I’ll just maybe not do the next edition.
I was on hold. This whole collage is such a big experiment.
Who knows what works ?
Then.
A reader wrote to me right when I was nearing into the feel like giving up stage.
The reader wrote : “Keep doing what you’re doing.”
The message and the timing of the loud and clear very timely message
ignited me. I lit up. On fire.
Aflame. Abuzz, too.
You readers astonish me,
flabbergast me,
ghastly flabber me,
and knock me offs my feet !!
#9. - I have discovered a common thread that runs
throughout every essay. In a single word :
the pervading
prevailing permeating persistent
and predominating primary principle
that is presented :
"transformation"
Each essay begins & by the time it ends, a shift, a change,
a tectonic plate adjustment clicks into place.
Many times accompanied by an aha realization.
Or a new way to Be.
I see the direct correlation between writing transformational essays
and witnessing my own real life transforming.
They go hand in hand.
I have been transformed by the site and have evolved.
And becuzz the world is round it turns me on.
becuzz what goes around comes around.
...............................................................................
In summation :
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes 101 -
I elaborately expound on one example
of what it is I'm talkin' 'bout :
One day I found myself walking over to my neighbor’s.
Years & years & years have gone by in which we have not associated at all.
We had words awhile back which created even a greater dividing fence
between us. We keep our distance from each other. You get the picture.
One day I found myself walking over to my neighbor’s.
As I was walking, I had the distinct experience of me looking at myself
as I was walking just then. I was looking at myself from outside myself.
One day I was walking over to my neighbor’s house with one of my paintings in one hand & homemade muffins in the other.
I was looking at myself and thinking,
you, Kris, have really changed.
I know the contributing reasons........
You readers. The site.
Also, becuzz of the impact of enduring searing pain from a pinched leg nerve, & withstanding the fiery torment of spinal surgery. And most importantly, now understanding and apprehending that feelings, rejections, self-esteem, & needing validation are merely just thoughts and thoughts are not coo-coo cocoa puffies poof real.
Learning how to Let Go.
Nothing is
a Big Deal
anymore.
All this has literally
honed
my backbone.
One day I found myself walking over to my neighbor’s.
I had been including my neighbor’s name on the email list for this site.
My neighbor wrote me back via the site for many months somehow wanting to
involve my husband, in the giving of a gift.
My husband refused to be the middleman.
The tectonic plates in my skull shifted.
A small opening fissure let light inside my stubborn hard head.
I slowly deciphered the reality of the situation.
I reflected upon the fact that :
"if one cannot get along with one’s neighbor, what’s the use ? "
This mantra repeated itself inside me and I felt a wall breaking away.
I internally tore down the brick & mortar fence inside me and walked over to my neighbor’s by myself. And.
We exchanged homemade peace gifts.
...............................................................................
I recalled the words "treat others how you wish to be treated"
that I published in the last edition.
I am now learning to hold myself accountable and practice
what I preach because my words are now offered out there
to You.
This highly affects my actions.
You are reconstructing me into a better version of myself.
By helping me dissolve fences and build bridges.
One day at a time.